


My Unicycle Has One Wheel

by McSpot



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Hockey Player(s), Alternate Universe - The Wiggles, Brock Boeser's himbo aesthetic, I misplaced my sense of shame like five years ago, M/M, The thirst is real, Vancouver Canucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22329655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McSpot/pseuds/McSpot
Summary: It’s not an obsession, no matter what Troy loudly and regularly insinuates.  It’s just...an interest.  A hobby.Some guys play videogames, some guys read literature, some guys bang a new girl every day.Brock likes to do unnervingly in-depth research into the identity of a member of a children’s musical group while also searching for images of him that show off his best angles, i.e., the ones with all the curves.Or, the story of how Brock Boeser, top forward for the Vancouver Canucks, develops an unfortunate thirst for the mysterious new unicycle-riding Blue Wiggle, Pete.
Relationships: Brock Boeser/Elias Pettersson
Comments: 224
Kudos: 553





	My Unicycle Has One Wheel

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in November, because someone reminded me of [this article](https://www.expressen.se/kvallsposten/sport/hockey/shl/sa-har-har-ni-inte-sett-elias-pettersson-innan/), about Petey juggling while riding a unicycle, and I remarked that given the way he's dressed he looks like he's the Blue Wiggle. This horrifically dumb fic came from that, and I've been writing it in fits and starts ever since. I know nothing about the Wiggles except for the Fruit Salad song which made it both better and worse. I'd been struggling to finish it, but my dog died on Saturday, and I've been throwing myself into this fic because I needed a distraction that let me feel like I was accomplishing something. So this got a lot longer than I'd ever intended it to be.
> 
> I apologize.
> 
> This starts in the 2018-19 season, in a world where the Canucks did not draft Petey. Not edited.

It's all Troy's fault. Seriously. Good Canadian Boy is a fake stereotype and Troy shouldn't be allowed to keep trying to use it as a defense every time Brock rightly calls him an asshole.

Troy's the one who suggests watching YouTube videos. He's also the one who bought the IPA that they'd been using to get steadily hammered on their couch. They'd started off watching Vine compilations and after an hour it's somehow turned into whatever YouTube's search algorithm counts as its funniest viral videos or whatever.

The video automatically loads when the one of the guy doing the mostly-naked cowboy dance ends, and Troy's already cackling because the title says it's the Wiggles.

"Oh, man, not the fruit salad song," Brock whines, immediately reaching for the laptop to change it. He still can't hear the words "fruit salad" without getting that song stuck in his head and he never even watched that show as a kid.

Troy bats his hand away immediately. "No, no, this is a different one, it's new. I saw this a few weeks ago on Facebook, it's like, look, this dude rides around on his unicycle and he juggles and counts shit."

It's not very easy to give somebody side-eye when you're half-asleep and entirely drunk, but Brock thinks he does a pretty good job of it.

A dude doing something goofy while singing a song about counting is pretty par for the course for programming for little kids, and Brock is fairly sure it also loses literally all of its entertainment value by the time you actually know how to count. Then it just gets awkward in that secondhand embarrassment way when you're watching somebody make a fool of themselves for no reason. Like yeah, it's for the kids, but it's hard to watch a grown man sing a song about counting and sharing with his friends while riding a unicycle and wearing a shirt that aspires to be a turtleneck when it grows up.

Troy is snickering quietly like this is fucking golden, and Brock is really not seeing what's so funny about this, and then the Wiggle looks directly at the camera and _smiles_ and like, shit, when did the Blue Wiggle get so young? And blonde? And _hot_?

And fucking stacked, like, Brock hasn't checked out a lot of asses on unicycle seats but like _wow_, maybe the unicycle is a good workout for the glutes. He should ask Roger, maybe they should all be incorporating that into their routines.

That's some coordination too, balancing on a unicycle while juggling and singing like an angel and singlehandedly murdering Brock with his beautiful eyes and a smile that's somehow both open and sharp.

"Damn," Brock slurs as the video comes to an end, Blue Wiggle proudly smiling as he lets his balls fall all over his head. "Blue Wiggle could get it."

He doesn't remember what happens next, and no matter what Troy says he doesn't remember it either because they're that level of plastered that means they'll have no recollection of this tomorrow but they currently have the utmost confidence in all of their abilities.

But the next morning, when Brock wakes up sprawled haphazardly across his bed with the blankets kicked to the floor and one sock still on, he opens his phone and finds page upon page pulled up in his web browser, all centering around the Blue Wiggle.

_Who is the Blue Wiggle?_

_Who is the NEW Blue Wiggle?_

_Blue Wiggle unicycle_

_Blue Wiggle name_

_Blue Wiggle single_

_Blue Wiggle ass large image_

Hangovers are supposed to be physical, but the real hangover is rereading his rapid but steady descent into perversion.

He blames Troy for this as they stand next to each other in the kitchen, staring at the coffee pot and waiting for it to deliver them from their past mistakes.

"Dude, I showed you that video because the lyrics are stupid," Troy says. Apparently hangovers don't stop you from giving or receiving side-eye. "Not so you could like, get a hard-on for a guy on a show for fucking preschoolers. That's like, having a crush on Barney or something."

Brock doesn't appreciate the false equivalency, seeing as he may be freshly discovering his perv side but he's not, like, the type of guy who's into giant costumes.

"What? No it's not. Barney's in a costume. The Blue Wiggle's like, totally a person."

Troy's side-eye just won't end, and any shame Brock is supposed to feel from it is just turning into bitchiness at this point.

"Yeah, he's a skinny kid in a wannabe turtleneck riding a unicycle and singing about how many balls he has. What about that is supposed to be attractive?"

Well when Troy puts it like that he makes it sound lewd. The song does talk about giving his balls to his friends but it's like – wholesome. In a kids way.

_My unicycle has _One _wheel and I have _Two_ hands to juggle _Three _balls to give to _Four_ friends..._

Like, it's harmless. One of those friends is going to be disappointed that they aren't getting a ball but it's not like, gross or something.

Brock tells Troy this, but Troy just elbows him out of the way to the coffee pot and pours his own mug, keeping his back to Brock like he's protecting a puck against the boards when Brock tries to intervene.

"Whatever, man, just be lucky I haven't already told Hutty about this," Troy says.

Brock promptly shuts up because that really is generous of him. Hutty would both never let Brock live it down and would also make sure the entire team knew within seconds that Brock was momentarily hot for one of the Wiggles.

Except. It maybe isn't so momentary.

Look, he doesn't mean for it to turn into, like, a _thing_. It's normal to look up the Wikipedia page for something. Brock looks up Wikipedia pages all the time for literally anything. He'll be eating ice cream and suddenly be reading about its country of origin. Plenty of people do that.

So he just finds it a little odd that all of the other Wiggles on the Wikipedia page are listed by their full name, but the Blue Wiggle is just listed as "Pete." The old Blue Wiggle has his full name, but the one with the ass that won't quit and the unicycle that never falls down is just Pete. And despite every other member of the band – is that what they call themselves, a band? – having their own individual page, Pete is just...Pete.

It seems particularly cruel, to withhold information on what is so clearly the most important member of this group.

Any sane person would have to understand why Brock has to look deeper.

It's like some sort of Wiggles conspiracy. Nobody knows who he is, but Pete showed up as the new Blue Wiggle in the last few months and apparently has taken the Wiggles world by storm. For one, he's like way younger than all the others, like he looks like he's Brock's age, or maybe even younger, and some of the other Wiggles are like, his dad's age. Even the Girl Wiggle, who Brock had not known apparently existed now, looks like she's definitely older than Pete.

But according to reviewers Pete has quickly become a fan favorite. It's weird, because in the publicity photos all of the other Wiggles have on these big, goofy cartoon character smiles, and Pete looks like he'd like nothing more than to plan the photographer's demise with his eyes. He's like, bizarrely stoic and dead-eyed and Brock would still hit that, but he'll admit it's kind of strange.

When he's singing his songs though, or interacting with kids, that's what makes Brock really want to hit that, but like, with his heart. Because that's when Pete gets that brilliant smile that hits Brock right in the gut (and the dick), the one that has to be genuine because it looks like Pete is literally incapable of a fake media smile based on his staged photos.

And that's like, some tender shit, man. Of course Brock's gonna have a thing for a guy who gets that excited to make children happy.

It's not an obsession, no matter what Troy loudly and regularly insinuates. It's just...an interest. A hobby.

Some guys play videogames, some guys read literature, some guys bang a new girl every day.

Brock likes to do unnervingly in-depth research into the identity of a member of a children's musical group while also searching for images of him that show off his best angles, i.e., the ones with all the curves.

That's how he finds the Thirsty Wiggles Moms Facebook page.

Apparently, Thirsty Wiggles Moms began because the original Wiggles Moms page, which was dedicated to, like...being moms that liked the Wiggles? – had been overwhelmed with the number of horny mothers making lewd comments about exactly what they'd like to see wiggle, and the moderators of the Wiggles Mom page were getting salty about it, so the Thirsty Wiggles Mom page was born to fulfill a need.

Well, sadly not that need, but another need.

A need to commiserate with other parents whose only source of entertainment is preschool media by force more than by choice, who are then left to project their desires onto the slightest hint of a dick outline from a man singing about kneading bread dough.

At first Brock's just there for purely research purposes. The Thirsty Moms are a treasure trove of information, built up from the type of desperation-turned-creep that blooms from little sleep, less sex, and way too much exposure to the Wiggles.

For one, he learns that the most popular Wiggle to thirst over is the Purple Wiggle, because he looks like he could be a dad to your kids and a daddy to you. Brock isn't sure how to take that, but he's glad that not everyone will be trying to fight him for Pete.

Not that he's like, somehow going to meet Pete or anything but like. It's good to know.

Pete does have his own cheering section though. Depending on the age of the Thirsty Mom in question, some of them say they wanted to take him home and mother him, and others say they wanted to be a Mommy to him, and Brock has a feeling those are two different things.

A lot of them like his accent. Brock hadn't realized it when he was just watching videos of Pete singing, but apparently all of the other Wiggles are Australian, and Pete is notably not. He's some type of Scandinavian, everyone says. Swedish is the most popular guess.

It makes sense, Brock supposes. If hockey has taught him anything, it's that Swedes are almost always unfairly attractive and talented. Looking at Pete on his unicycle, juggling his balls while his ass puts in more than a full day's work, it all tracks.

And it makes sense for Brock to join the Thirsty Wiggles Moms group. For one, even if he isn't a mom, he sure is thirsty for a Wiggle. It's also necessary if Brock wants to be able to participate, i.e. see what dirt he can dig up on Pete.

But because Brock _isn't_ a mom, and is in fact a semi-famous hockey player (depending on what city you're in), he can't just join using his regular Facebook page that like, his mom could see.

Brock's a child of the internet age; he knows how to make a burner account on social media.

...Maybe his fake profile didn't need that much information, but Brock figures that the Thirsty Moms will be more likely to want to speak to him and answer his questions if they perceive him as one of their own: a fellow thirsty mom.

Stacey is Brock's age, and her son Camden is just a few months past his second birthday. He'd been born while his father had been deployed to Belgium with the US Army; Stacey and Hunter had been high school sweethearts from Minnesota who'd gotten married at eighteen right before Hunter went to basic training, because they were young and dumb and in love. They rushed into playing house and having a baby, even when Hunter was barely around. Then Stacey discovered that Hunter had been carrying on with _two_ girlfriends in Belgium, and now their marriage is in shambles. Stacey's used to acting as a single parent but now it's a reality, and she's working double shifts at the diner because child support barely pays for a babysitter, let alone the costs of a toddler.

When she comes home at night and wants to spend time with her son, she's too exhausted to do much more than to put on his favorite show, the Wiggles. And seeing as Stacey is a young woman whose husband was never around even before he became an ex, and that she is now incredibly overworked with barely any time to spend with her young son, Stacey is understandably a little...thirsty.

The Thirsty Wiggles Moms welcome her with open arms.

Brock mentally flips off his high school English teacher who gave him a C on his short story for lacking originality.

It's not that Brock spends, like, a lot of time on there. He's still got hockey to worry about, after all; he's on the last year of his ELC, and his agent won't stop reminding him that the way he plays now is going to help dictate what he can ask for in contract negotiations.

So Brock's busy, is the thing, with games and practice and road trips. Sometimes he barely has time to call his family, so he's not, like, just sitting around waiting for new Wiggles content to drop.

But maybe he gets bored sometimes, in his hotel room on the road, or at the apartment when Stech is out with his girlfriend. And the Thirsty Wiggles Mom group is _flourishing_, meaning that no matter what time of day, there are always ladies online ready to help him dissect videos looking for minute clues about Pete's everything.

Everyone knows that Stacey is a Blue Wiggle girl; they like to tease her that he's about her age, that he'd probably make a cute family with her and Camden. (Stacey's profile picture is a field of flowers, but they all say she's cute even without knowing what she looks like, and Brock likes that about them.)

Brock tends to ignore the posts that don't seem relevant to Pete, like the Purple Wiggle Fan Club, or the group of moms who are constantly trying to decipher which of the Wiggles have banged, and if they're in a steady relationship or not.

Sherilyn is easily Brock's favorite Wiggles Mom because she keeps a scarily meticulous log of which of the Wiggles appear in which media, meaning that it's easy for Brock to search out all of the Pete content he craves without having to slog through a million boring songs by the Red Wiggle.

She's also a fount of information because she's got five kids nine and under, meaning she's been following the Wiggles pretty consistently for most of the past decade.

So when Stacey asks if anyone knows how Pete joined the Wiggles – it seemed so abrupt, after all - Sherilyn is quick to respond.

_Sherilyn: Most of us think they discovered him by accident. He definitely doesn't have formal training as a singer, and if you look at his first song ("Puddle Jumping," see attached) he looks nervous. I doubt he had much experience doing stage presentation._

_Maria: I felt so bad for him, he looked scared! He's always a bit awkward with the others too, I wonder if they're nice to him?_

_Brianna: He could present that ass to me any time_

_Amilia: Brianna, stop. My son is in my lap right now, he could see this._

_Nicole: Of course they're nice, they're the Wiggles. And they all love kids, you can't love kids and be mean to adults._

_Sherilyn: Amilia, we've talked about this. Please consult the community guidelines if you have concerns. We're thirsty for a reason._

_Katie: Yeah, Amilia, Stephen should be used to the thirst right now. Also, he's three, he can't read._

_Maria: Being nice to kids doesn't mean you have to be nice to your new young coworker. He just seems a bit stiff with them, and you know he's not like that all the time because he opens right up with the kids._

_Sherilyn: And in "Green Frog, Green Frog (Lily Pad Shuffle)" (see attached), he looks a lot more comfortable than his debut, but that's also his first solo song. I think he just likes working alone better._

_Amilia: I have told this community so many times, I would really appreciate it if you would all LISTEN to me: my son's name is StephAN, it is NOT pronounced like Stephen, and he is a precocious reader. Who knows what he's reading right now!_

_Katie: Wow, sounds like a bad time to be on the THIRSTY WIGGLES MOMS Facebook page then, eh, Amilia? Who knows what little Stevie's reading right now?_

_(*waves* Hi Stevie!)_

_Nicole: To answer your original question Stacey, Sherilyn and I both theorize that Pete probably didn't formally audition for the Wiggles – which makes sense, because there was nothing indicating they were auditioning for a new Blue Wiggle. It seemed more serendipitous that they found Pete when they did._

_Sherilyn: <Attached link to community guidelines>_

_Maria: It would explain why they picked someone so extremely young without experience, they probably saw something that looked like raw talent. And it's a good career start for him, getting attached to such a big franchise._

_Brianna: I bet he has a big franchise._

_Brianna: I'd like for his franchise to meet my franchise._

_Brianna: We could have a merger._

_Amilia: My son's name is STEPHAN and he is RIGHT. HERE!_

_Katie: Does Steven know a lot about mergers, Amilia? Do conglomerations upset him, is that what this is about?_

_Stacey: So you guys don't think he'll be around long?_

_Maria: You never know. Most of the guys stayed for a really long time, but they pioneered the franchise; they had more stake in it. A kid Pete's age probably just wants to get his name out there before moving on to bigger and better things. I wouldn't blame him – he definitely loves the kids but I don't think he really loves the job._

_Nicole: You're probably right but it's such a shame, Timberlee loves him. :(_

_Amilia: You all think you're so hilarious but StephAN is the most nuanced child in his playgroup, and he does understand metaphors!_

_Zoe: Stephan, please tell your mommy she's in the wrong group so she stops clogging up the comments. We left Wiggles Moms for a reason._

_Maria: <Attached link to community guidelines>_

_Sherilyn: <Attached link to community guidelines>_

_Sherilyn: I'd imagine Pete is on some level of contract, and since he's so new he'll be around for a bit, probably at minimum one tour. They're starting their global tour now so he should at least be a Wiggle for the duration of that._

_Stacey: That makes sense, but why would Pete use this as a springboard for his career if he doesn't even use his full name? Why all the secrecy?_

_Nicole: Oooh, good point, Stace._

_Maria: I'd say it's a gimmick to get our attention, except the kids don't care about the last names of the Wiggles and the Wiggles aren't actually looking for our attention no matter how tight their shirts are. ;)_

_Sherilyn: I wonder if there's a clue in his songs? I've always felt like he was singing "Donut Forget Me" to someone special._

_Katie: Boooo, don't say he's not single when I'm ready to mingle._

_Amilia: !_

_Brianna: I've got a few things I'd like him to mingle with._

In a bizarre way, Brock finds a community with the Thirsty Wiggles Moms. At the very least, he has people who not only understand but embrace his Wiggles Feelings, and it's a lot more validating than every time Troy catches him watching a new vid and says, "Dude, are you _still_ jerking off to the fucking Wiggles?"

It's not like that. Brock's..._fondness_ for Pete is a lot more pure than that. Because Pete is adorable, with his small smiles that slowly grow into something so wide and open and honestly happy that Brock's heart skips a beat, with the way he talks to the kids, kneeling down at their level to explain whatever lesson his song is talking about, his eyes bright with enjoyment. Brock even loves the way that he interacts with the non-human characters; he's never seen someone give a giant dinosaur costume (because maybe the Wiggles do hang around with a person in a dinosaur suit but it's _not_ fucking Barney, Troy!) so much bitchy side-eye.

Brock doesn't, like, love Pete, because that would be weird for a guy he's never met and has no chance of meeting. But does he have a bigger crush on him than even the one he had on Charlie Coyle when he was in high school, when he had Coyle's poster on his bedroom wall and it inspired many an untoward thought. And that's saying something because Brock still can't look Coyle in the eye when he sees him on the other side of the ice.

Okay, so maybe Troy's right about Brock jerking off to the fucking Wiggles, but it's really only _one_ fucking Wiggle and Brock wishes they were fucking, but they aren't, because they have no way of ever meeting, and it's fine. Everyone has a celebrity crush. Most of the guys are into Selena Gomez or Jennifer Lawrence; Brock is into Pete from the Wiggles.

It's fine.

The Canucks play out their season, miss the playoffs by a country mile, and Brock spends the summer salivating over Pete content because it's a better distraction than what's going on in his real life right now.

And then the Wiggles announce the Canadian leg of their world tour.

And they're coming to Vancouver in December.

Brock can't even get mad at Troy for texting him asking "if his body is ready" for it because his body actually _is_ fucking ready, in the worst way, where his dick gets hard and his heart gets soft whenever he sees a pale Scandinavian man with no last name ride a unicycle and sing a song about counting.

It's a problem.

It's a really embarrassing problem.

Brock has to go see that show.

He really doesn't think it's that strange to ask to borrow a teammate's kids. People should be _happy_ to have someone ask to borrow their kids, what with how much they all complain about how frustrating they are, or how hard it is to get a good babysitter. Brock's a great babysitter, and he's offering to take their kids to see the Wiggles, for free! Most parents would kill to get out of that!

Even the Thirsty Wiggles Moms are of mixed views on attending live shows, when Brock asks.

_Sherilyn: I've gone a few times. It's different when you're in public with the kids because you've got to keep your attention on them. They have a lot of fun though, I'm sure Camden would enjoy it!_

_Katie: Yes to taking your son, he'll have a blast, but it can get really stressful with all the screaming kids and crowds. I did it once but I think I'd opt out of a future show. No time to thirst when you're trying not to lose the little ones._

_Nicole: I can't do live shows, Timberlee gets too overstimulated and upset. :(_

_Amilia: It sickens me that you can all think about being turned on when you're surrounded by so many children._

_Katie: Do you know which community you're in?_

The general consensus seems to be: the kids will probably love it, but not if they dislike large crowds or loud noises and lots of activity, and regardless it is way too busy to ogle your favorite Wiggle when you're trying to make sure your kids are present, accounted for, and having fun.

But Brock also can't go _without_ a kid because that's fucking creepy.

So: he has to borrow a teammate's kid.

He asks Alex Edler because Eagle is, at the end of the day, probably the most reserved and mature of his teammates, which in turn makes him the least likely to broadcast to the entire team that Brock has the burning desire to see the Wiggles as a twenty-two year old adult. Honestly it's been a miracle that Troy hasn't spilled it yet, and Eagle is way more trustworthy than him.

Of course he hasn't properly prepared himself for what he should have foreseen as the inevitable question, "_Why_ do you want to see the Wiggles?"

Brock blinks at him.

"I appreciate their artistry."

He thinks that's a pretty great response on such short-notice, but Eagle's expression doesn't change.

"You appreciate the Wiggles."

"Yes."

One of Eagle's eyes squints up a little bit, like he's scrutinizing Brock, or trying to use some sort of mystical Swedish Dad second sight to see if Brock has a concussion.

"And you want to take my kids. To the Wiggles."

Brock crosses his arms over his chest. This isn't going as smoothly as he'd hoped.

"I'd be doing you a favor," he points out, "Nobody wants to take their kids to the Wiggles."

He feels like he's thrown down his winning card, because that's a theme on Thirsty Wiggles Moms, that most of the other parents there are visibly _not_ thirsty at a Wiggles concert and in fact their thirsts seem to be quite quenched to the point that they can't wait to leave.

"But you want to go, and you want to take _my _kids to see the Wiggles."

Oh, shit.

Brock stares at Eagle.

Eagle stares back.

"This is a really good offer," Brock hedges, because like, it totally is, and maybe Eagle hasn't noticed that yet.

Eagle shakes his head minutely. "I'm still trying to figure out why you want to do this."

"...Because I'm an altruist and I like to make children happy?"

"Because he's thirsty as fuck." The cough behind them sounds suspiciously like one pasty little bastard who's soon to be dead, because apparently Brock jinxed himself by saying too early that Troy hadn't spilled his secret.

Brock doesn't look behind him when he punches his fist backward, but whatever part of Troy he hits makes a satisfyingly solid sound and Troy grunts a little, so he knows it was a good hit.

He watches Eagle's eyebrows go up, just the tiniest bit. They're really well-manicured eyebrows, Brock notes. He shouldn't have expected anything less. Eagle is pretty much a Swedish god. He probably had to lose that tooth to keep him from being too beautiful for normal humans to look at.

Pete might be Swedish too. Maybe it really is just a thing, that Swedes are just built too beautiful for human eyes. Have asses too thick for human unicycles to contain. Have-

"Brock?" Eagle says his name slowly, leading, like a parent waiting for their kid to explain themselves when there's a broken vase on the floor.

Brock grimaces. "It's nothing, he's being a dick."

Well at least that's not a lie; Troy is almost always being a dick.

Like a real dad, Eagle turns his Meaningful Stare onto Troy.

And Troy's a fucking kiss-ass for his childhood-and-ongoing-hero, plus he seems eager to expose Brock to the world now, so he's quick to say, "Brock's got a crush on the Blue Wiggle and he wants to see him in person."

It takes Eagle a moment to process that before the Meaningful Stare is back on Brock.

Brock shifts uneasily. "I mean, he's attractive, yeah, but anyone with eyes could see that."

Eagle's stare doesn't change. He really should blink. Dehydration would be bad for his pretty Swedish eyes.

"You have a crush. On a Wiggle."

It actually doesn't sound as bad when he says it out loud like that, even if Brock is dying on the inside and a little bit on the outside.

And then Eagle sighs and nods. "You know what, that's actually more reassuring than you being a genuine fan of their music. Okay, sure, you can borrow the kids. They'll probably love it, and my wife said she's ready to destroy all the speakers in our house if it keeps her from having to hear them again."

Brock taking the kids to the concert will probably do nothing to discourage the kids from wanting to hear that music and in fact might have the exact opposite effect, but he's not going to point that out.

"Where's Brock taking your kids?" Beags asks.

_Oh shit_.

"Nowhere!" Brock shouts, just as Eagle says far more sedately, "Brock volunteered to take the kids to see the Wiggles for me."

It's like something out of Jurassic Park, how so many bodies freeze, heads swiveling slowly to watch Brock with their beady little eyes.

(He's not quite sure what beady little eyes are, but his teammates probably have them. They aren't all Swedish models.)

"Boes is volunteering to babysit? For the _Wiggles_?"

Brock doesn't like how Rooster says it, nor does he like how Beags shrugs and says, "I'm down, if Mr. Sensitive wants to take all the kids on a field trip."

What.

"It might be a lot of kids, if you're taking everyone's," Loui says, and just as Brock is about to correct him that he abso-fucking-lutely is _not_, Eagle says, "Troy's going with him."

"What," Troy says, so that Brock doesn't have to. But it just takes one Meaningful Swedish Dad Stare and Troy's a fucking goner, and the next thing Brock knows, he and Troy are taking _fucking everybody's _kids to see the Wiggles.

Most of his teammates don't actually have kids because, y'know, young guns and all that, but the trainers and the staff get in on it and come the day of the concert Brock and Troy are having to borrow two fucking minivans to transport their legion of unnamed children five and under to see the Wiggles.

The Orpheum Theatre supposedly has seating for less than three thousand, but Brock gets the feeling that they counted two toddlers as a single person when they made that seating chart because it feels like a hell of a lot more people.

"How many people are here?" Brock hisses, glancing around nervously. He's starting to get what Sherilyn and everyone else was saying about the crowds. He tightens his grip on the hand of the tiny blonde girl next to him who he's eighty percent sure belongs to one of the equipment guys.

"I don't know, what's the occupancy of hell?" Troy mutters.

Brock would have told him to watch his language, except that there are so many kids screaming right now that he doubts any of them actually heard that.

"You said hell," reproaches a boy with dark hair whose name Brock swears he knows. Fuck, they should have made the kids wear name tags. Or numbered them; they've got a ginger kid now and he's not sure they started off with one.

"Sure I didn't," Troy says, and he then proceeds to ignore the boy in favor of scooping up Eagle's daughter before she gets trampled by kids who want to line the stage like they're going to watch warm-up skate. He's mostly sure that the Wiggles don't do a warm-up skate, but the kids are acting like they know what's up.

Brock will maintain that getting front-row seats was a good idea, no matter what Troy says. They have many small children with them who aren't very tall and this way he can make sure that all the kids have the best view possible.

"They're gonna be too short to see over the stage," Troy hisses.

Ignoring him is getting easier by the second. All the better that they're sitting at separate ends of their collection of children, so that the kids will hopefully be bookended between them.

It would be a lot easier to count them all if other people didn't keep letting their kids rush the empty stage. They should be more worried about stranger danger; Brock doesn't know all the kids with him and he is very liable to accidentally take a few spares home if people aren't careful.

At least by the time the show is ready to start, the seats in between him and Troy have been filled and he doesn't see any extra kids around, so he's mostly sure that they have all the same kids they started with. He made them all pick a buddy before coming in, so now he's mostly relying on other toddlers to let him know if one of his toddlers is missing or replaced.

The entire theatre loses its fucking mind (and more than a few parents start popping what Brock hopes is aspirin) when the lights turn down and a rather jaunty tune starts up. Brock doesn't recognize the song, so it's probably not a Pete song. To be fair, the Wiggles do have a very large catalogue of pre-Pete music; it's just not music that Brock would ever want to hear.

And then the spotlights settle on stage, red, yellow, purple, and blue, and the real reason that Brock got front-row seats appears.

The Yellow Wiggle bounces out on stage first, and that's the only way to describe how she moves. Troy is all the way down at the other end of the row and Brock can still hear him say, "Wait, there's a girl one now?"

She probably gets more cheers than the Red and Purple Wiggles, which Brock can definitely understand, because she's young and has fun hair and a bow and the Red and Purple Wiggles look like your dad and the guy who does your dad's taxes, respectively.

But then the cheers turn painfully shrill, and Brock realizes that all of these shrieking children really are His People, because they're all huge Pete fans.

Pete looks even more handsome in person. Whoever does their lighting should get a raise because he's fucking _radiant_. Brock can see the sparkle in his eyes and his skin glows like something out of a 3am infomercial for acne medication. Huggy Bear would be so jealous.

They immediately break into a song that Brock is fairly sure is titled Butterfly Fiesta, which feels like it should be off-color but is in fact a surprisingly catchy ode to diversity and appreciating differences. And here Troy wanted to make fun of Brock's taste.

Brock is surprised he hears the lyrics at all because he's far too busy tracking Pete as he moves around the stage. Wiggles dancing seems to generally consist of a lot of mostly-coordinated bouncing and waving your arms, which Brock figures he can understand, seeing as it's set up for the kids to be able to do the dances themselves.

If it means that he can also stare very intently at a certain part of Pete's anatomy as he bounces in a circle, that's between Brock and his shower later tonight.

Really, the whole show kind of blurs together because Brock isn't paying attention to what anyone is saying other than Pete. It's like he's watching his own bizarre sexual fantasy play out on stage to the gentle narration of some singing Australians.

They have to be at least three songs in before a gentle tug on his jeans reminds him that he's actually here with a bunch of kids and not just to very publicly be a perv. Honestly, the darkness and weird context is probably the only reason nobody's approached them yet – that, plus Troy's insistence that they wear their widest-brimmed baseball caps, "and not the fucking bucket hat again, everyone knows about it and it makes your outsides look as dumb as your insides."

Beags's daughter is standing at his knee, having toddled over from a few seats down. She makes grabby hands up at Brock and says a very solemn, "Up." And even with Pete right there in front of him, it's too damn cute for Brock to even dream of ignoring her, not that he'd want to.

"Yeah, come here."

He scoops her into his lap, settles her so that she can see the stage a bit better. Some of the other kids in their group are up and dancing around, but she seems more passively interested. She leans back against Brock's chest and her thumb creeps up into her mouth and Brock maybe snaps a quick selfie to send to Beags later because it's fucking adorable.

And then the lights go blue and the Red Wiggle goes on a long speech about how important it is to celebrate everyone's talents and the blue spotlight comes on and he says, "My friend Pete has a special song to sing to you all about a few of his fun talents!"

The unicycle comes out and Brock.

Fucking.

_Dies_.

It is probably only the fact that he has an extremely chill toddler in his lap that keeps him from thinking his lewdest of lewd thoughts, because Pete's ass on the unicycle is so fucking beautiful that Brock thinks he could choke on it.

Literally, he has never looked at a man's ass and wanted them to sit on his face before but it's happening right now, in real time, at a Wiggles concert, and Brock just has to roll with it because the unicycle is certainly rolling and Pete's got his three balls up in the air and he smiles out at the audience, wheeling the unicycle back and forth as he juggles the balls over his head, behind his back, counting them off one by one.

Brock only needs two of the balls but he guesses Pete can still give the third to a friend.

...God, he sounds like Brianna. He really _is_ a Thirsty Wiggles Mom.

The song is winding down, getting to the part where Pete throws all his balls straight up in the air and lets them bounce off his head while wearing his ridiculous smile.

But then, something unexpected happens.

Pete looks down at the audience, looks directly down at Brock, and he winks.

He _winks_.

And maybe this is part of the normal routine that happens at live shows, or maybe Brock is wishfully hallucinating, but either way it makes his breath catch in his throat.

All horniness aside, Pete is really fucking cute when he smiles.

Brock's phone vibrates in his pocket and he refuses to check it because that would be rude to the Wiggles, and not because he is entirely sure it is Troy chirping him about Pete's wink.

He's not letting Troy ruin their special moment.

The next song is a Purple Wiggle solo, meaning Brock can check out for a bit. He counts his kids, and he's still mostly sure he's got the same crew, so he's doing alright there.

From the angle they're sitting at, he can see Pete just off the side of the stage, talking with someone wearing a headset. He isn't expecting Pete to turn and look directly at him.

He doesn't look away, because, like, shoot your shot when you can, right? Brock smiles back, thinks about maybe waving, but Pete's gaze slides away like he didn't see anything.

That...stings a lot worse than Brock would have thought.

The next few songs aren't as exciting, because they feature a lot of the non-human characters that have Troy giving Brock far too much side-eye. Brock gives in and checks his phone, deletes a few texts from Troy without reading them. The girl in his lap is extremely interested in what he's dong on his phone and he lets her hit the delete button for him. She seems to find it extremely satisfying, if the way she giggles means anything.

Brock can relate.

Realistically, Brock knew that there would be parts of the show where kids from the audience would be invited up on stage. It's a kids' concert, that's kind of like the whole point. And perhaps, in a general sense, he knew that there would be a possibility of one of the kids in his group getting picked.

But nothing prepares him for when the Wiggles go into the audience to select their chosen "dance instructors" and Pete the Blue Wiggle himself hops off the stage right next to Brock and says, "Can I get this whole row to come up with me?"

That ginger kid that Brock doesn't recognize but apparently brought here screams, and Beags's daughter looks thrilled even though Brock would bet money she doesn't actually know what's happening.

Some of the kids are already up and out of their seats, concert staff guiding them towards the stairs and _not_ to just climb on and off the side of the stage like Pete did. Brock looks down the aisle at Troy, because it's easier than looking at Pete standing _right fucking next to him_ with his ass at Brock's head-height.

Troy has his phone out and is filming the kids getting up on stage, which okay, yeah, that's probably a good-babysitter thing to do because their parents will probably want to see this. Maybe Brock should consider taking back some of the rude things he's thought about Troy today.

Beags's daughter giggles, and Brock startles to look back and see that Pete is kneeling down in front of him, smiling at her.

"May I have this dance?" he asks, holding her teeny tiny hand between his thumb and two fingers, and he's moved his mic away from his face so his question is quiet and softened by his accent. She squirms excitedly, but then turns her face into Brock's shirt like the attention's made her all shy.

Brock should say something to encourage her to get up on the stage with the other kids, or maybe just tell her it's okay if she doesn't want to, but he can't remember words or language in general because Pete is kneeling directly in front of him, holding a little girl's tiny toddler hand, and he _braces his other hand on Brock's knee holy fuck_, and he looks up and meets Brock's eyes with a mischievous little smile that makes Brock want to puke but like in a good way, and he says, "Maybe she needs some moral support?"

Because underneath his lauded hockey IQ Brock is an idiot at heart, the first thing he says to the unattainable stranger he's been thirsting after for over a year is, "Uhhh..."

Pete winks again, because he in fact does want Brock to die, and he brings his mic back towards his face.

"What does everyone think, can we have a special adult guest on the stage?"

There's a smattering of cheering, the kids because they'll cheer for anything and the adults because some of them think they're obligated to pretend they're supportive and have an opinion on this. Pete's smile gets a little smirkier and he stands up and looks out to the crowd and says, "Are you guys okay if Brock Boeser from the Vancouver Canucks helps this little lady out on stage?"

It's kind of nice, that Brock can ignore how the crowd loses its mind like Brock is at least on par with the Yellow Wiggle because he's too busy waiting for his brain to reboot from the fact that Pete is in front of him, smiling at him, putting his hand on Brock's arm to urge him to stand up and also _Pete knows exactly who Brock is._

What actually happens on stage is a blur. There's a lot of jumping, and Brock is thankfully saved from most of this by nature of holding a toddler in his arms. Pete sidles up next to him and puts a hand on Brock's shoulder and says, "Come on, we're jumping!" And Brock finds it interesting that none of the videos he's ever seen have been able to properly capture the glint in his eyes that says he's going to disembowel you with a spork if you don't do what he's telling you to. It's kind of hot. Terrifying, but hot.

Brock does a little bounce-step without putting his toddler-shield down and that seems to be acceptable.

He tries not to think about how there are way more phones recording now than there were a few minutes ago. He doesn't particularly want to explain to the press why he was at a Wiggles concert, even though he knows they'll ask him for years after this. At least he chose correctly by making sure he had kids with him; this should at the very least be good PR for the team.

All the same, Brock feels that he's being very mature by not flipping off Troy once while on stage, because Troy keeps giving him a thumbs up and waving his phone around. He's such a poor videographer.

The song is over relatively fast, and Brock is surrounded by sweaty, panting kids who will hopefully pass out once they're back in the borrowed-minivan. The production staff is quietly guiding the kids off the stage while the green dinosaur waves an umbrella around and talks about – something, who the fuck cares, Doris – and Brock starts to follow them when he's stopped by a hand on his waist.

Pete's hands are big, and he has long fingers, and maybe the touch is just a glance but Brock can't help but stare at how they curve against his body.

"Thanks for helping!" Pete says softly to Beags's daughter. He's up in her face, wearing that big dorky smile that he only shows the kids, and he shakes her tiny hand again because it makes her laugh and hide her face against Brock's chest.

When Pete looks at Brock, though, the smile has decidedly tilted back into smirk-territory.

"You need to work on your form," Pete says, and then he's striding back across the stage because they're going to close out with, oh fuck, it's the fucking fruit salad song again, isn't this one way too old for them to still be using it?

"I know this one!" Troy hisses as Brock pushes past him to get back to his seat.

He looks far too excited for a man who told Brock this morning that he hoped Brock tripped on a Lego and landed in a pile of Legos and broke his dick on the Legos, all because he blamed Brock for "roping him into this shitshow."

Then again, Troy has also just filmed something that he and the team and anybody who follows the NHL and has an internet connection can lord over Brock for the rest of his life so like, he can get why Troy would be excited to have witnessed that.

The dancing bit isn't that bad, really. Definitely not the Pete part.

If he didn't know that he was imminently going to be saddled with some sort of Wiggles-based nickname for the rest of his career, Brock wouldn't have minded the experience at all.

Getting out of the show is a lot fucking worse than getting in, because once everyone knows that Brock and Troy are there, _everyone_ knows. And it isn't like Brock wants to turn away a bunch of tiny kids asking him to sign their Wiggles tickets, even if he has to silently pray that those won't become a collectible one day.

He finally has to use the excuse that he had a bunch of kids with him and really needs to get going, which isn't entirely a lie; the ginger kid is getting a little whiny, and once one of them starts up he knows the rest will get going too, and then they'd all be miserable to deal with.

Exchanging the kids and the borrowed minivans at the arena is the easy part. Dealing with their parents, who have all seen the video already of Brock on stage with the kids, is a lot less fun.

"And you try to say that you're not Mr. Sensitive." Beags tsks as he takes his daughter back from Brock, hoists her up on his hip. He coos to her, "Is he Mr. Sensitive? Is Brock Mr. Sensitive?"

"Yeah," his daughter mumbles, smiling in that way kids do when they think they're being sly and they just look cute as shit. Brock could never find it in himself to be mad at her, even if he wishes she was on his side. Wiggles Bros 4 Life apparently means nothing to a toddler.

Beags looks at Brock solemnly. "Well, the jury's in. We'll have your new warm-up music ready for you tomorrow morning."

There is a sinking feeling in Brock's gut telling him that he'd be lucky to just hear Fruit Salad tomorrow. It's like nobody wants to remember that Brock just did them all a huge favor by borrowing their kids so he could ogle a children's entertainer.

He's prepared to come in the next day and find his stall wallpapered with Wiggles pictures. The joke's on them, because only like, two of them have Pete in them. Most of them are of the original Wiggles crew, which does absolutely nothing for Brock. Part of him feels like correcting them, but that wouldn't really do a lot to help him _not_ get Wiggles-harassed by his teammates, so he just ignores the whole thing.

He was wrong about it being Fruit Salad. It's the propeller song, which Brock already heard at the concert yesterday. It loses a lot of its energy when nobody's up there doing the dance.

Pete's ass had looked great in that song. The windmill dance really did nice things for his shoulders, too. He must have pretty good cardio.

In the end, Brock's teammates can tease him all they want, but the reporters all think it was very Wholesome and Generous of him to take everyone's kids to see the Wiggles, and the subject of the majority of Brock's fantasies for the past year touched his waist, which is only a few inches from touching his ass, and it was generally a great decision by Brock.

(The video of Brock had been all over Thirsty Wiggles Moms last night. More than a few ladies had pointed out how Pete touched Brock multiple times. Brock found the validation very satisfying. Stacey said they looked good together, and people agreed, which he enjoyed even more.)

Brock is ready to save the whole experience to his mental rolodex of jerk off fantasies (with less children and other Wiggles, but one hundred percent more Pete touching Brock) and move on with his life, but there are a few things that get in the way of him doing that.

The fans with Wiggles-based signs in warm-ups aren't an issue. Someone has a photoshop they made of Brock as a new Green Wiggle next to Pete. Brock likes seeing him and Pete in Canucks colors together. He throws them a puck.

The bigger problem is when he's skating a lap around their half of the ice towards the end of warm-ups, as some of the fans have started to filter off to their seats, and he spots who's sitting a few seats down from the Canucks' bench. He looks to be on his own, and he's sitting quietly in his seat, hands folded in his lap as he watches the ice crew come out, but when Pete catches Brock's eye he flashes the tiniest smile and he gives a little wave.

There's a number six on his Canucks jersey.

Pete is at a Canucks game. Wearing Brock's jersey, and he waved to Brock, because he saw Brock yesterday and knew who he was and now he sought Brock out special and he's acknowledging Brock and Pete is here to see Brock play hockey.

Brock really might fucking die right here on the ice, which would be super embarrassing to do in front of Pete, but he's seen a video of the Wiggles singing about how to do CPR so he's pretty sure Pete knows how to do rhythmic breathing and chest compressions to save Brock's life, and Pete probably has good rhythm for other things to-

"Oh my God, are you fucking shitting me?"

He really does need better friends than Troy.

Troy skates a lap around Brock, obstructing his view of Pete. When Pete sees him he waves again, but Brock's pretty sure he's not nearly as excited to see Troy; after all, Pete's wearing Brock's jersey for a reason.

"What are you guys looking at?" Marky's skating past on his way off the ice, but he stops to see what Brock and Troy are staring at.

Troy opens his mouth, probably to say something loud and unhelpful, but then Marky says, "Is that Elias Pettersson?"

Brock doesn't know that name, but he likes the way it sounds in Marky's mouth, the way the syllables pause and flow.

"Who?" Troy is saying, because he can't stop himself, apparently.

Someone will be getting Legos in his bed, after the comments he made to Brock.

"Elias Pettersson. I'm pretty sure that's him. He played for the Swedish national team...one, two years ago?"

As a group, they all look back at Pete. Pete looks back at them. He's not outright frowning, but he's definitely not smiling. It's that look that some of the Thirsty Wiggles Moms have taken to calling his "death stare." Brock never thought he'd get to be on the receiving end of it. It's almost flattering.

Troy makes a weird noise. "That's Pete, the Blue Wiggle, who Brock wants to bone and then marry."

Brock is ready to defend himself and also Pete and also force the Canucks to call up a new defenseman because this one is about to be taken out for a few months, but Marky is barely paying attention to Troy's slander.

"Wiggle? Like, the concert thing you took the kids to?" Marky makes a face. "I don't know anything about that, but I'm almost positive that's Pettersson. Ekholm might know, I'll ask him later."

To be perfectly honest, Brock had forgotten that the Preds were there, but he usually forgot that the Preds existed when they weren't directly in front of him.

Marky skates off the ice like that's the end of it, like he hasn't just possibly blown Brock's mind, like Brock isn't going to have to spend the short time between warm-ups and the start of the game ignoring whatever the coaches are saying so he can fervently google Elias Pettersson and see if he really does look like Pete.

And he does. He does look like Pete. He's got the same death glare, and the same big crooked smile, and the same floppy blonde hair and – yep, according to the fan photos he's got the same ass too. He's the right age, the right height, and he's Scandinavian – Swedish, like all the Thirsty Wiggles Moms had been guessing.

The only difference is that Elias Pettersson is a hockey player, and Pete sings songs about counting and juggling and frogs to small children.

Except according to his Wikipedia page – something that Elias Pettersson has, but Pete does not – Elias Pettersson is a retired hockey player. Which does not sound plausible, because he is twenty-one and apparently won like _all_ of the awards in the SHL in 2018. Like, all of them. The team won the league championship and Pettersson was their top scorer and the playoffs MVP and he was named Rookie of the Year and then they _spray-painted him gold_. Like, there are pictures of him painted gold wearing a golden helmet holding a golden trophy – it's all very flashy and Brock appreciates the aesthetic.

And then Pettersson went on to play for Sweden in the 2018 World Championships and won gold there too, because everything he touches is gold.

But that's it. There's nothing more, no more international games, he didn't play in the SHL last season. The most promising player in the SHL and then he's just gone?

There are only two lines about it on Wikipedia: _Pettersson sustained a concussion during the 2018 World Championships. Though the team went on to win gold, Pettersson was forced to retire from the game due to complications from post-concussion syndrome._

It sounds fake, because this guy was like, like the next Sedins or some shit. He hadn't ever chosen to enter the NHL draft but everyone was speculating he'd go, that maybe he was building the hype so he'd be a shoe-in for a first overall when he did enter, but one hit and he's done. Entirely done, not even attempted-playing-but-it-didn't-work-out done.

It doesn't sound fair. It _isn't_ fair. And it's making Brock feel some kind of way because that smiling boy painted in gold looks a fucking lot like Pete, who only showed up with the Wiggles abruptly last fall, a few months after Pettersson's quietly-announced retirement, and-

"Boeser, are you playing tonight?" Coach's shout has Brock tossing his phone into his stall and on his feet in a heartbeat. Despite the fact that he's still trying to process that _Pete might be a hockey player?_ and that he routinely forgets that the Predators exist, he does in fact prefer to beat them when they play, and he needs to get out there if he wants to actually get off the bench this game.

He's distracted the entire game. He tries not to be, but trying not to be distracted in turn distracts him with how distracted he is and it's a vicious cycle. Brock doesn't like, actively make things worse, but he also loses an edge like fifteen feet in front of Pete and lands flat on his ass, without anyone else around to blame the fall on but himself.

It doesn't help when there's a commercial break and a few of the Swedish players make a point of skating over towards where Pete's sitting; clearly Marky was talking to them. They all start smiling and waving, and Brock can't see Pete's expression clearly from this angle but it looks like he gives a small wave in acknowledgement, and Marky unhelpfully nudges Brock's arm and says, "Yeah, that's definitely Pettersson. What was it you said he's doing now?"

"Stealing my heart," Brock mumbles as the whistle blows for play to restart, because nobody ever said that being a little dramatic couldn't help things.

Pete, the Blue Wiggle, he of the many balls in the face and _that ass_ on a unicycle, who loves making kids smile and giving sarcastic looks to the adults that accompany them, is also a superstar Swedish hockey player. Was. But also _is_, because you don't stop being a legend just because you can't play anymore.

Troy was being sarcastic when he said that Brock wanted to marry Pete, but he's not sure he could create a more perfect human being if he tried.

And Pete came here, in Brock's jersey, after he knelt in front of Brock and asked him to dance.

With a toddler, but it added to the cuteness.

It's probably (almost definitely) true that Brock's a horny idiot, maybe even right up there with Gauds, but he's not stupid enough to let an opportunity like this pass him up.

During the second intermission, he pulls aside a member of the game-day staff and asks if there's any way that Pete can be invited down to meet the team after the game, as Brock Boeser's special guest. PR gets all over that once they realize that Pete the Blue Wiggle Who Brock Made Friends With in That Great Viral Video is here in Brock's jersey, but Brock is still not entirely sure that Pete will agree to it until Jory grabs him after the game and says he wants pictures for the team's social media account.

It's a rather lukewarm victory for Brock that he had absolutely zero points in tonight's 2-1 win, meaning that the press isn't interested in speaking to him after they got all their Wiggles-related questions out of the way that morning. He's able to rush through his cool-down and shower and getting dressed without being impeded by reporters, meaning he's even more quickly able to jog outside the dressing room and see Pete there with one hand in his pocket, the other holding his phone as he scrolls through something.

They just saw each other yesterday, got as intimately close as you can get to a stranger at a children's concert, but Brock suddenly feels so shy about approaching Pete. He's probably a solid eight feet away when he stops and says, "Uh, hi."

Pete's head snaps up, but then he smiles, just a little awkwardly. "Hi. I, uh, did not think you'd be wanting to see me..." He trails off and gestures at the space around them, clearly meaning he hadn't expected to be hauled off by the Canucks staff.

Brock rubs the back of his head, but not too harshly, because he did take a few extra minutes to make sure his hair was perfect before he met Pete.

"Um, yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to like, keep you or something, if you have places to be..." Shit, he should have thought of that first.

Pete shrugs, shoves his phone in his pocket. "We fly out tomorrow morning; we had today off, and I figured I should see what all the fuss was about with this Brock Boeser guy everyone was talking about."

As a rule, Brock doesn't blush, because he decided that back in high school when his teammates told him that he blushed easily. Which means that everyone who calls him Mr. Sensitive is a fucking liar because he already decided he doesn't blush.

(Getting a perfect golden tan in the summer helps him towards this goal, he's sure.)

But his face might feel a little warm when he mumbles, "Yeah, you got my jersey?"

It's not meant as a question, but it comes out as one anyway.

Pete shrugs. "I've seen your highlights. You're decent."

There's a vague memory of a phrase his English 101 professor used at UND, _damning with faint praise_. Brock figures he should feel insulted right now but he's too busy being thrilled that Pete's seen his highlights. That Pete bothered to look him up at all. That Pete took the time to come talk to him and speak to him in his soft accent, his normal-voice and not his on-stage-talking-to-kids voice.

"I, um, I heard you're pretty good too."

He doesn't like the face Pete makes, halfway through a self-conscious grimace and that flat stare he seems to give everyone. Quietly, Pete says, "I guess the Swedes told you."

"So it is you? You're, um, Elias Pettersson?"

Brock knows he's not saying it exactly the way that Marky said it, but apparently he's butchered it worse than he thought because Pete snorts loudly and shakes his head. "That was awful."

"Hey, cut me some slack, I'm used to just calling you Pete."

Pete squints at him, but it's almost sort of playful?

"You follow the Wiggles? Outside of when you take a dozen children to see the show?"

He's clearly teasing, clearly expecting Brock to roll his eyes and tell some story about losing a bet and having to agree to take everyone's kids, and that's definitely what Brock should be saying.

But Brock is a firm believer in beginning a relationship with a foundation of honesty and trust, and so he takes a few steps closer so he can lower his voice.

"Um. I might be. I wouldn't say I'm a fan but like. The video you did, with the counting song, like the 1-2-3-4 thing? Stech – Troy Stecher – showed it to me and it was like." Brock tilts his head to the side and raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

Pete makes a face. "I did a song like what? Which song?"

There are people in the hall, people who are most likely not listening to them but who might also definitely be listening to them, and so Brock lowers his voice even further.

"You know. The one with the unicycle. Where like. Look this is going to sound really creepy but unicycles are a really good look for you."

Pete blinks at him. "You're right, that is very creepy."

Brock winces and takes a step back. "I _know_, but like-"

"You watched My Unicycle Has One Wheel and it turned you on? Which part did you like, the turtleneck?"

"It didn't turn me on!" He steps in closer again so he can hiss that as quietly as possible. Except. He also said he wasn't going to be a liar.

"Okay. Well. It just made me look you up, okay? And you're like..." He waves a hand at all of Pete. "Like whoa. And so maybe I was kind of interested in going to see you, _and_ I was being super generous and took the kids. And then you were _here_, in my jersey, and it's like..."

He gestures at Pete again; Pete raises one perfect, beautiful blonde eyebrow, his face unreadable. "Like whoa?"

"Yes, exactly," Brock agrees. "And then Marky said you're a hockey player, and I looked you up, and like, _whoa_. Like, you're the total package, man."

Pete's mouth is a grim line. "I don't play anymore," he says quietly.

"And I get that!" Brock rushes to say. "I totally, definitely get that. I just mean, you're a great player, and you're into hockey, and I already liked you before that, and now you're like, _here_, and-"

Pete stops him with a hand on his chest. It's extremely distracting, because it's Pete's hand, and Brock can feel the warmth through his game-day suit. He looks down at Pete's hand, just to verify it's there. _Fascinating_.

"Let me get this straight," Pete says slowly. "You are hitting on me right now. Because you like the Wiggles."

"Just you," Brock blurts. "I don't even know what the others are named, and fuck Doris or whatever-the-fuck with the costumes, that's not on, man."

"Dorothy."

"Who?"

He feels like this whole conversation is slipping away from him, but Pete's smiling again, just a little bit. "The dinosaur. Her name is Dorothy."

"Okay, well, I'm not into that."

"What a relief."

Pete is far more sarcastic than even the Thirsty Wiggles Moms could have ever predicted. Brock is so fucking smitten.

He looks down at Pete's hand on his chest. It's still there. Brock wonders how Pete would feel about him holding it.

"So, um, yeah," he mumbles. "I've been into you for a while. Because you're hot, and you're talented, and you're good with kids. And the turtleneck is fucking awful but your ass really does look nice on the unicycle."

In for a penny, in for a pound.

"But also you just seem like a really cool person and like, you gotta shoot your shot when you get the chance, right?"

He swears that he can feel Pete's fingers curl a little bit, like they're going to grip his shirt, maybe to pull him closer-

Except, then Pete's lowering his hand and taking a step away.

"I'm sorry," he says. The smile is gone, and he's got that stone-faced expression, the one that makes him look disinterested. Brock's heart skips a beat in the worst way.

"I – wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I have to go."

Pete is striding away before Brock can even think of what he's trying to stutter out, blending in with the arena staff and the press weaving through the hall, and Brock's still standing there like an asshole, one hand raised like he was going to fucking pull Pete back or something.

Shoot your shot, right. Brock's shot blew up in his fucking face. He'll be lucky if Pete doesn't tell the press about what a creep he is.

He's still standing there when Jory jogs up to him. "Hey, where's the Wiggles guy? For the picture?"

"He's gone," Brock mumbles. He turns and walks away, not bothering to give any more explanation.

It's not worth it. There's nothing to say. If Pete tells the media about Brock, Jory and everyone else in PR will have their explanation soon enough.

Pete doesn't say anything, in the end, probably because he's too professional to call Brock out like that, for which Brock can only be eternally grateful.

Stacey stops posting on the Thirsty Wiggles Mom page. Her account still exists, but there are no new posts. It's not necessary

Brock's met Pete, and he fucked it up. He keeps tabs, but he doesn't watch the videos anymore. It's the least he can do, to stop perving on Pete after he's been thoroughly rejected.

He'd thought, when Pete was kind of teasing him, and touched him, that maybe – but no. Pete was more than clear about that.

It's weird, thinking of him as Pete now that he knows his name. _Elias_. Brock doesn't watch Wiggles vids anymore, but he can't say he doesn't google videos of Elias Pettersson. It makes his heart hurt, watching him score, seeing how happy he was in interviews, smiling and golden, knowing that the star in the making in those videos wouldn't be able to play hockey again.

The whole thing makes him hurt, actually. And at least if he's pushing himself at the gym, at practice, in games, then he can say he's hurting for a legitimate reason. The team is doing amazing, the best they have in years, and Brock does his best to stay the fuck off his phone.

Troy asks him about it, just once. "So like. What ever happened with that guy? Your Wiggle?"

It makes Brock grimace to hear Pete described as anything close to _his_. "He wasn't interested," he says because it's the truth.

Troy's expression is sympathetic, and he hates it. But Troy doesn't bring up the Wiggles again, and he shuts it down when the guys start talking about it in the dressing room, so maybe he doesn't deserve Legos in his bed.

The Canucks lose in game seven of the first round of the playoffs, and it fucking _sucks_ to have worked so hard to get so far and still fall short. Brock has to remind himself over and over that this is their first time in the playoffs in five years, his first time in the postseason literally ever, that this is a winning team and they're only going to get better next year.

He still goes back to Minnesota way too early, and has way too much time on his hands. There's only so much water-skiing one guy can do. That's the only reason he even sees the post on Thirsty Wiggles Moms.

_BLUE ALERT! PETE'S RETIRING FROM THE WIGGLES!_

Brock thinks he should feel something about this, surprise or disappointment or something like that. But he doesn't. It's like...resignation, maybe, the same bland acceptance he's felt about Pete ever since Pete made it clear that he didn't like Brock back.

They've all said time and again that Pete didn't seem long for the Wiggles. At less than two years, he's got like the shortest tenure ever, but he never seemed like he'd stay long-term. Brock wonders what he'll do now, if he'll stay in children's entertainment or go back to something to do with hockey, maybe behind the scenes with one of the Swedish teams, or maybe teaching kids to play or something like that.

He'd be good at that, Brock thinks. With Pete's hands and his skating ability and the soft, gentle way he has with kids, he'd be great at coaching youth teams.

It would be a stretch to say that Brock is over the entire experience by the time the next season rolls around, because he feels pretty fucking shitty about it. It's rough when you have the equivalent of an unattainable celebrity crush who you then magically manage to meet in person and feel is mildly attainable for all of the ten minutes it takes for them to shut you down and leave because you're a creep. Brock's accepted the situation, he knows he can't change it, and he's moving on with his life because there's nothing else left to do, but the whole thing still leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

The one nice thing about a hockey schedule is that it's busy as fuck, and there are always new kids to lovingly bully and drag around town (Brock needs a new one of those, Huggy Bear has perfected his look of lethargic disinterest and he's no fun anymore). By the time opening night comes around, Brock is focused solely on the new season and is even fully aware of what team he's playing and really, _fuck_ the Ducks.

So Pete is just about the furthest thing from his mind that night other than, like, the Nashville Predators, so he really isn't expecting it when Troy bumps up against him during a commercial break and says, "Um, not to make things weird but isn't that, like...?"

He nods towards the glass, and Brock follows his gaze and nearly chokes on his tongue.

Pete's there, in a front-row seat again, wearing Brock's jersey. And just like last time he smiles a little when Brock spots him, raises one hand in a wave.

Brock ducks his head and skates over to the bench. Maybe he can drown himself with his water bottle, that would probably help to lower his heart rate.

It's as he's attempting this that Troy comes over to the bench too. "So are you going to...?"

Brock doesn't choke, but he does learn that trying to speak while guzzling water like he's dying is a bad thing.

He shakes his head, doesn't say anything about it. Troy doesn't push for more. Brock figures it makes sense, after all: Pete made his feelings more than clear. Brock isn't sure what he's doing here now, in Brock's fucking jersey, but he's going to let it go just like the dumb song says.

Maybe it's a relief, knowing he's not going to see Pete after the game, that there's nothing he can possibly do to make himself look worse in Pete's eyes, because Brock actually plays great in front of Pete this time. He can't quite swing the hat trick, but two goals and an assist on Tanny's goal is a great fucking way to start the season if he does say so himself.

It's the first game of the season and the home opener and Brock was named first star, so he's naturally tied up with the press for a while after the game. He's on a high from the win, and he has more patience than usual because the season has only just gotten started and he hasn't had a chance to hate the media yet, so he lets it go on for longer than usual.

He drove in with Troy, so it's not weird that Troy's waiting for him when he finally gets out of the shower. It's not even too weird when Troy says, "Yo, hurry up, I've got someone who wants to meet you," because part of Troy being a local kid is that every once in a while he'll bring some family member or friend around who wants to meet the team, even now that he's been a Canuck himself for the past four years.

But it's really fucking weird when he walks out of the dressing room and Troy fucking body checks him into a trainer's room and slams the door behind him, and.

Pete's there.

He takes it back, he's buying a package of fucking Legos to_night_.

"Hi." Pete's smile is as soft as his voice, even softer than when they met last time.

Brock stares. He's not sure what he's supposed to say here. He doesn't really want to say anything. He'd like to go home and maybe drink too much and watch Parks and Rec until he passes out on the couch.

Pete's smile falters. He tells himself he doesn't care about that either.

"I, uh, I wanted to see you," Pete says quietly. "To apologize. And explain."

Maybe he pauses because he's expecting Brock to say something, but Brock doesn't, and the silence grows thicker between them, suffocating.

Pete grimaces.

"I left the Wiggles. I'm not sure if you heard." Brock doesn't know what the right answer is there, so he gives none. "Um. I only joined because they asked me to. They were touring and one of the production managers happened to see me juggling on the unicycle for some kids in my neighborhood. I used to do it to practice coordination when I was playing. And I had no interest in doing what they did, but they offered a way out of Sweden and everyone who kept looking at me like they felt _sorry_ for me because I couldn't play anymore and-"

His voice rises and rises, and then it stops. He shrugs. "It was a way out. And it was good. I got to travel and see the world. I went all over Australia. I made kids happy. And I got to save up for college. It was always in the back of my mind when we travelled, where I would want to go to college. I didn't think I'd want to go in Sweden, because everyone would still know, and want to talk about what happened."

Pete looks up then, a little bit of the smile coming back. "So I'm here now. I'm going to UBC for sports management. And, um. I just wanted to let you know that."

Part of Brock is marveling at how openly Pete is telling him all of this, because the Thirsty Wiggles Moms would have fucking _died_ to learn this much about Pete's mysterious background or current whereabouts. After all, Pete was so fucking secretive that nobody was even allowed to know his last name.

Or first name, as the case may be.

But most of him is still stuck on one fundamental issue.

"You think I'm a creep."

Maybe it's because Brock's gone so long without actually responding to anything Pete's said, but Pete actually startles at Brock's words.

"What?"

"You left," Brock says. "I told you that I was into you and you left, after saying that my crush on you was weird. Why the hell would you want to talk to me?"

He'd always found cataloguing Pete's facial expressions to be fascinating, and he's not familiar with this one: face pinched, brow furrowed, lips pressed tightly together.

He thinks it might be regret.

"I'm sorry," Pete says quietly. "I was nervous, and- and I don't do one-night stands. I saw you at the show and I was excited because I really do watch your highlights, and I really did want to meet you for real. But I didn't expect you to actually know who I am – as a Wiggle or a hockey player – or that you would...like me that much."

Brock definitely doesn't blush, but Pete does, and it's one of the most mesmerizing things that Brock has ever seen. "I knew we were leaving town the next morning and I didn't want to start something I knew I couldn't finish. And I got – overwhelmed."

He smirks just a tiny bit, looking more like the old Pete. "You're kind of a lot."

"In a creepy way."

"In a _good_ way, shut up. You know you're hot, everyone literally calls you Prince Charming."

People might say it, but it means something different, hearing the words from Pete.

"And besides, it's not like people hit on me a lot as a Wiggle, seeing as most of my audience is in preschool. The only ones who liked me for being a Wiggle and not a hockey player were like, those weird moms on Facebook."

Brock presses his lips together and resolutely does not comment.

Pete stares at him.

"...please don't tell me you're..."

"The Thirsty Wiggles Moms are lovely women," Brock says primly.

He's not expecting Pete to put a hand over his eyes and laugh. Pete mutters something in Swedish, shaking his head. When he takes his hand away, his eyes are shining.

"You're ridiculous, and you're definitely kind of weird, but I took a job as a Wiggle to run away from Sweden so I'm kind of the same. And I know we're starting off on kind of a bad foot and I'm really sorry for how I left things before but like...do you want to go out with me?"

Brock doesn't believe in blushing, but he has a feeling that it's what his face is doing right now. It's not the first time someone has asked him out at Rogers Arena, but usually it's more in the form of signs instead of heartfelt confessions and his crush deciding to move to Canada to take a chance on Brock wanting to date him.

He swallows and says thickly, "Even if I'm a Thirsty Wiggles Mom?"

Pete's smile is crooked and sweet and Brock's heart is hurting in the good way again. "I appreciate someone who appreciates my talents."

Letting himself feel hope for the first time in months, Brock takes a step closer until he's in Pete's personal space. Pete's actually a little bit taller than him; Brock's never had to look up at someone he kissed before, but he's really looking forward to it.

"Well you know, I went to this concert once, and they had this whole monologue about celebrating unique talents, and then this guy came out juggling on a unicycle..."

He's sure he's reading this right when Pete leans forward so that he's looming over Brock just the slightest bit, in the best way possible, those long fingers sliding over his hip like they did at the concert, but this time holding him in place. "Mmm, was he any good?"

"Had a hell of an ass on him," Brock agrees, eyes flitting between Pete's eyes and his mouth. "He was super great with kids, too. I think they called him Pete."

Pete wrinkles his nose. "I think he goes by Elias now."

It's nice, the way he says it, _E-lee-as_, but it's still going to take a long time for Brock to make the mental switch after nearly two years of thinking of him as Pete.

"Petey," Brock agrees. Their lips are scant inches apart now, the space between them cloistered and warm.

"We'll work on it," Petey says against Brock's mouth, and then he's clutching Brock to him by the waist and they're kissing, and the world doesn't explode or shatter or whatever it is that people say about kisses, but Brock thinks that maybe it settles, just a little bit. Petey's lips slide against his and Brock's hand slips up his chest to grip his shoulder and it feels right, it feels like maybe it was meant to be, it feels like-

_"Fruit salad, yummy yummy! Fruit salad, yummy yummy!"_

"What the fuck," Petey whispers against his lips, but Brock is too busy turning to growl at the door, "Oh my God, Stech, I'm gonna fill all your fuckin' shoes with Legos, you bitch!"

"Is that your kink?" Petey asks him with so much sincerity that for a moment Brock believes he's serious.

"No, unicycles are my kink."

Petey looks upwards as if he's thinking about it, now serenely ignoring the instructions on how to add grapes to a fruit salad, and he nods. "I can arrange for that."

"Great." Brock takes his hand and pulls him towards the door. "We'll go to your place, you've got a thousand percent less Troy Stecher."

"You know," Petey says, considering, "He _is_ the one who got you to speak to me."

Like Brock is going to _owe_ Stech or something.

"The day I thank Troy for this is the day that I ride the unicycle," Brock says.

~~~

_Sherilyn: Blue Alert! See attached article, our mysterious former Blue Wiggle Pete has finally revealed his identity! And he's dating Brock Boeser, the hockey player from the Vancouver concert last year who was invited on stage! (See attached video)_

_Nicole: OMG so cute!_

_Maria: He's going to college now! And he played hockey! And Pete's part of his last name! I have to say, I don't think any of us would have guessed that._

_Sherilyn: And he was a hockey player himself, it's fascinating. It's almost like kismet that they ended up together._

_Amilia: I don't think it's appropriate that they're kissing in one of those photos in the article. Children aren't going to understand why the Wiggles are kissing people._

_Katie: omg Amilia, honey, it's the most Hallmark-chaste photo-kiss ever, calm yourself._

_Nicole: I'm still dying over how his teammate got them to talk to each other! And he's teaching Brock to ride the unicycle! <3_

_Maria: I'm happy for them, this is so cute. Good for Pete! Or Elias, lol!_

_Brianna: I'd like to see Brock ride Pete's unicycle._

_Amilia: STEPHAN IS FIVE NOW AND HE CAN DEFINITELY READ THIS_

_Zoe: Get Stevie his own profile, girl, cuz we're gonna be thirsting the fuck out of this one._

**Author's Note:**

> i have never ever ever written in the present tense in my LIFE and I don't know why I did this fic that way but I'm sure I flubbed my tenses because I was constantly going back to correct it
> 
> I'm [swedishgoaliemafia](https://swedishgoaliemafia.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] My Unicycle Has One Wheel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22668037) by [Annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods)


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